Spontané ou pas ?

Les gens qui m’entourent semblent penser de moi que je suis spontané. Voire même parfois irréfléchi. C’est un peu le running-gag de la famille, des amis et même des connaissances : je prends toujours mes décisions très rapidement, sur un coup de tête, paraît-il.

De leur point de vue, c’est ainsi que ça se passe. Mais en réalité, il en est tout autre. Je réfléchis longuement chacune de mes décisions. Exemple. J’achète (et revend) relativement souvent des « machines » : VTT, motoneige, etc. Je prends la décision de l’acheter en apparence très rapidement, et je prends la décision de le vendre tout aussi rapidement. Mais le processus interne est très différent. Lorsque j’achète, c’est que j’ai passé plusieurs mois à réfléchir intérieurement à mon (petit et très probablement non réellement nécessaire) besoin. Après avoir fait des recherches de marque/modèle/année pour le budget durant plusieurs semaines, je me fixe sur ces trois composantes. Lorsque je trouve la bonne affaire, j’achète. Donc de l’extérieur, du jour au lendemain, sans en avoir parlé à personne, j’arrive avec une nouvelle bébelle. Et lorsque cette bébelle est dans la cour, je prends des photos. Pour la montrer aux gens, oui, mais aussi pour me préparer à la vendre ! Car pour moi, tous mes biens matériels ne sont qu’une fiducie temporaire de mon argent, qui se trouve à être agréable par le fait même de par son utilité temporaire. Donc quelques mois après, lorsque je vends ladite bébelle, ma décision est prise depuis longtemps. Lorsque j’ai besoin de fonds, je vends la bébelle !

Bref, je suis tout sauf spontané. Sauf peut-être du côté social, et c’est surtout là que je souhaite en venir.

Le temps des Fêtes tire à sa fin. Mon premier suite à mon diagnostic. Ce dernier m’a ouvert les yeux sur beaucoup de choses et j’en ai encore beaucoup à apprendre sur moi-même. C’est ainsi que je me suis aperçu que les rendez-vous sociaux non spontanés, voir même dont je ne suis pas l’instigateur, me plaisent rarement. Mes proches vous le diront, c’est plus ou moins facile de m’avoir « au bon moment ». Lorsque j’appelle quelqu’un, par exemple, je suis 100 % disponible. J’ai pris la décision d’interagir et j’y suis dédié. Mais dix minutes plus tard, je suis passé à autre chose. Je suis dédié à autre chose. Si le téléphone sonne, je réponds. Mais c’est un peu désagréable pour tout le monde, car je le fais à 15 %. C’est pareil lors de rendez-vous sociaux. Lorsque j’invite des gens à la maison, ce sera très souvent à la dernière minute. Et c’est très difficile. D’avoir des gens qui acceptent, déjà. Et de coordonner ça avec mon entourage où tout doit être planifié à l’avance côté social. À croire que je suis le seul à avoir un agenda social très tranquille. Blague à part, je sais que c’est pénible pour mon entourage de toujours prévoir / inviter / demander de l’aide à la dernière minute. Mon quota d’interactions sociales est assez limité et lorsqu’il approche de zéro, je ressens un besoin rapide de le combler afin de passer à autre chose. Ça peut paraître désintéressé envers la chose, mais au contraire, puisque je consomme peu d’interactions, j’aime lorsqu’elles sont d’excellentes qualités. Et c’est souvent là que ça se corse : je consomme la socialisation très différemment de mon entourage. Autour de moi, c’est souvent la quantité qui prime sur la qualité. On doit forcément plaire à tout le monde et accommoder tout ce beau monde, donc au diable la qualité. Ou pas, mais c’est un peu mon impression parfois.

Donc durant le temps des Fêtes, je me suis surpris à être très difficile à « réveiller » lors des rassemblements. J’y allais complètement à reculons. J’y arrivais plus ou moins content d’y être, puis après de longues minutes, je finissais par trouver une complaisance relative à socialiser. Pourtant, il me semble qu’avec mon amour des planifications, les rendez-vous sociaux planifiés depuis belle lurette devraient me réjouir davantage que ceux spontanés, non ? Mais il n’en est rien. C’est totalement déraisonnable de s’attendre de quelqu’un qu’il soit mentalement dans l’état recherché des semaines à l’avance, non ? Ou encore de se dire « bon c’est la journée X, je dois être dans le mood ». Non ? C’est juste moi ? Suis-je le Grinch ?

Dans mon cas, cette retenue envers ces rencontres est causée par plusieurs facteurs :

  1. J’aime les trempettes de gens, mais de façon très modérée. C’est-à-dire qu’un rendez-vous social de « beaucoup » de personnes par mois (voire deux) me suffit. S’il y en a davantage, les autres devront se contenter d’une version un peu moins disponible de moi-même. Et plus il y en aura, plus je serai épuisé, jusqu’à éventuellement devenir limite désagréable. Plus il y a de gens dans le rassemblement #1, plus le #2 doit être espacé ou moins peuplé.
  2. Ça me prend une dose sociale pour bien vivre et être heureux, mais apparemment très inférieur à la moyenne. Mes dosages internes sont différents. Où d’autres ont besoin de voir des gens, j’ai besoin de stimulations intellectuelles et émotionnelles intenses (échanger sur nos connaissances respectives, parler d’un projet stimulant, parler d’un problème avec un réel intérêt à trouver une solution, apprendre quelque chose de nouveau, lire un livre, écouter et vivre la musique, écouter et vivre une série, etc.).
  3. J’ai de la difficulté à maintenir des conversations, car je ne suis vraiment pas fan des small-talks. J’ai besoin de profondeur lors de mes échanges, et ce n’est pas dans un univers cacophonique dense que ça peut se passer.

Ces rencontres apportent aussi leur petit lot de complications : il ne faut pas arriver trop tôt ou trop tard, il ne faut pas partir trop tôt ou trop tard, il faut savoir quand partir (très difficile), il faut éviter certains sujets, il faut limiter certains sujets, de peur de partir en monologue non sollicité, bref la liste est longue !

Ce qui est particulier, c’est qu’en lisant tout ceci, j’ai l’air limite antisocial. C’est vrai qu’en « grand » groupe, dans un mauvais « timing » de quota social, ça peut parfois être difficile. Un peu d’alcool ou d’herbe aide grandement à me détendre et à appliquer un bon laisser-aller face à la situation. Mais en petit groupe, c’est tout autre. Je peux prendre le temps de discuter réellement avec la personne sans être constamment pris entre deux autres conversations.

Au moins, les Fêtes, ce n’est qu’une fois par année !

Et vous, comment gérez-vous votre quota social ? Je serais curieux de vous lire à ce sujet en commentaire !


Cet article vous a plu ? Pensez à suivre ma page Facebook !







Keven

À propos de Keven

Passionné d'informatique, d'électronique et de « machines à gaz ». Papa d'un garçon et de deux jumelles. Sur mon bateau d'Aspie, tantôt troué tantôt réparé, j'échappe quelques lignes sur mon blogue que j'ai créé pour évader mes pensées.

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